Are you looking for someone to talk to? Someone who is not connected to - or part of - the problems and difficulties you are experiencing in your life? Are you a couple whose relationship has hit a rough patch? You may just have come to the right place. I am an experienced, BACP accredited Counsellor/Psychotherapist, working in Central and North London.
"Why would I want to go to a complete stranger and tell them about my problems?"
This is a good question. After all, most of us will have friends and/or family to turn to if we're feeling down, upset or confused. We would hope to get plenty of support and advice from them. Sometimes, though, there are reasons to look elsewhere:
"What actually happens in counselling/therapy?"
Regardless of what sort of training the practitioner has had, and which psychological model that training is based on, it ultimately boils down to this: two people in a room talking. As the client you can present your issues in the way that feels most comfortable to you, whether that means blurting it all out the first time we meet, or taking your time and just dipping your toe in the water at first. Although I will ask you some questions and get some basic biographical information from you the first time we met, I will not press you to reveal any more than you feel ready to reveal.
I do not see it as my role to listen to my clients' problems and then tell them what the solutions are; it is more about working together, using my training and experience to help you find your own inner wisdom. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else.
"What about couples counselling? How does that work?"
Many relationships go through ups and downs. There may be arguments, which could be about trivial matters, or extremely important ones; there may be fundamental disagreements on, say, childcare, or indeed whether to start a family at all; there may be cultural clashes, to do with ethnicity, or religion, or sexuality.
Often these problems sort themselves out. Sometimes, however, they don't. Rows can become recurring, and this is when they can seriously affect - and endanger - the relationship. A couples counsellor can help by
This is a good question. After all, most of us will have friends and/or family to turn to if we're feeling down, upset or confused. We would hope to get plenty of support and advice from them. Sometimes, though, there are reasons to look elsewhere:
- The issues we are struggling with may be - directly or indirectly - connected with our nearest and dearest, making it hard to go to them for advice.
- While having a shoulder to cry on, a comforting pat on the back, or an invitation to "go out and drown our sorrows" may sometimes be all that we need, there are times when we may feel we need something else: an objective point of view from someone who has no stake in the issues at hand; a different point of view that may challenge, rather than confirm, some of our beliefs; an invitation to look a little deeper at what might be underlying our current problems.
- We may feel that we don't, in fact, have anyone we can trust enough to confide in; or they may be far away, when we need to talk to someone in person.
"What actually happens in counselling/therapy?"
Regardless of what sort of training the practitioner has had, and which psychological model that training is based on, it ultimately boils down to this: two people in a room talking. As the client you can present your issues in the way that feels most comfortable to you, whether that means blurting it all out the first time we meet, or taking your time and just dipping your toe in the water at first. Although I will ask you some questions and get some basic biographical information from you the first time we met, I will not press you to reveal any more than you feel ready to reveal.
I do not see it as my role to listen to my clients' problems and then tell them what the solutions are; it is more about working together, using my training and experience to help you find your own inner wisdom. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else.
"What about couples counselling? How does that work?"
Many relationships go through ups and downs. There may be arguments, which could be about trivial matters, or extremely important ones; there may be fundamental disagreements on, say, childcare, or indeed whether to start a family at all; there may be cultural clashes, to do with ethnicity, or religion, or sexuality.
Often these problems sort themselves out. Sometimes, however, they don't. Rows can become recurring, and this is when they can seriously affect - and endanger - the relationship. A couples counsellor can help by
- Providing a safe space in which the partners feel safe to speak their truth, which may include saying things they've never said to the other.
- Providing an objective outsider who will be able to spot patterns and typical triggers for fights which the partners, being too close to it, may not see.
- Introduce new ways of relating to each other, and ways of realising quickly when a disagreeement is about to escalate, and "nip it in the bud."
- Help a couple to clarify what they want from the relationship, individually and as a unit; this may include exploring whether they do indeed wish to stay together.